I'm struggling.

It's been a bit since I've really written down my feelings. I've been struggling for a bit now and I haven't really told anyone and in not sure how to bring it up. 

Last week my wife with for Gastric Bypass Surgery and I'm proud of her for doing it. It was her choice to make and she did. It is a life style change for us all now and that is ok. I want her to succeed in this and be healthy for herself and our children. But that is where the struggle comes in. 

I'm feeling lost because I can't help her take away her pain, the children don't listen, I'm stressed out about school, my bussiness, life and honestly I've had the urge and dreams of drinking. I won't let that happen, but it's there. I honestly don't know how much more I can take before it all boils over. 

I am trying to hold it all together, but honestly I'm just feeling lost and I don't know what to do. People say talk to my wife, talk to my kids, talk talk talk. That is all I do now. I talk, I raise my voice in frustration, I walk away in silence. Nothing seems to work anymore. 

I'm just lost. I feel like I'm an invisible man or a floor that just gets walked on. I think I am about to crash. I sit and I cry in the bathroom where no one can see or hear me. I'll figure it out one day. Just hope at that point it won't be too late.