Update on today's post.

So after talking to my wife and thinking about things I am going to check in on Monday. It will give me the weekend with the kids and time to talk to them to explain what is going on (sort of).

This weekend we will be spending time swimming, playing board games, watching movies and just being together. I want to try and get as many memories as I can. Why you may ask?

Well the voices are pretty bad and dark. I won't go into details about them but they are bad and scare the hell out of me. I have had friends who had voices and they tried Medication and Shock therapy. I have had friends lose their memory because of it. I hope it doesn't come to that but what needs to be done needs to be done. 

I just hope that my dreams and goals won't be lost along with my motivation. Here is to hoping. Still want to became an IRONMAN soon. I will be back and stronger than ever. Thanks for reading and supporting me. See you all on the flip-side.

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. 

~Mahatma Gandhi

I AM SORRY.

Last night I did something stupid. I tried to take the cowards way out of life, I tried to hang myself in my bedroom. Thankfully my wife and I were fighting and she came up to talk to me and found me.

She spent the whole night with me holding me not letting me go telling me how much she loves me. She talked at me and made me realize that I am being selfish here and was only about to hurt the 7 most important people in my life. Her and my kids.

I just wanted the voices in my head to stop. I thought that this would be the way to do it. It was not.Today I will be calling the hospital and asking for a 72 hour hold with the possibility of longer time if needed. I need to get better. I need to be here for my kids, my family, my future. 

So I will be taking some time off of social media for this reason, as the more I see certain things it sets me off to the point where I want to hurt myself or others. Thankfully it has only been myself so far.

Thank You to all of you for the support and caring that you have provided me with over the past weeks, months, and even years. You are all special to me in one way or another, and remember 

#KEEPTRIING

#BellLetsTalk

Today in Bell Lets Talk day. Bell Canada has committed $62.5 Million to Mental Health Initiatives in Canada since 2010.

Like the last 3 years 5¢ will be donation will be made for every:
• Text message sent by Bell and Bell Aliant customers
• Long distance call made by Bell and Bell Aliant customers
• Tweet using #BellLetsTalk at @Bell_LetsTalk
• Facebook share of that day’s Bell Let’s Talk Day image at Facebook.com/BellLetsTalk

As a person who has mental disabilities this campaign means allot to me. It is because of Bell that more funding, research, and help is becoming available. With the rash of recent suicides in both the military and private lives of those around us this needs to be talked about. Please support a great cause.  

I do not let my mental illness run me, I run because of my Mental Illness. 

~ Chris Emslie founder #KeepTriing. 

SORRY FOR NOT POSTING MUCH.

Things have been very hectic in my life at the moment. I am trying to get #KeepTriing off the ground and running and at the same time I get blindsided with something by my wife. It has shaken me to the core.

I started off 2014 strong. I was doing my #Project 365 where I was taking a picture a day of hat ever I felt like that day. What ever jumped out at me and I would talk about it. It was great.

After this latest bout of depression, I met with someone who is going to try ad help me, but with the revelation I have received it has thrown me for a loop.

I have not worked out much in the last week. I have not done anything. I need to get busy again to keep my mind from wondering and thinking about the bad stuff that is about to happen, but it is hard.

Anyways I have priced out the costs to get the screen printing kit and stuff and even spoke to my dad about the shirt Idea and he has a friend who can get shirts for a good deal. So we will see as I need to get the screens and learn how to make them.

Anyways Have a great weekend and remember

#KEEPTRIING