In 2013 something happened that started 2014 off on the wrong foot. I picked up te bottle again and no I wasn't drinking every night but when ever the wife and I would go out on date night (2-3 times a month) I would drink. Could be 11 am and I'd have a drink. I started to see a pattern, and I didn't like where it was going as I've been here before. On Jan 31st 2014 I ordered a pitcher of beer and before the appetizers arrived I was done. I asked for a refill.
As I dozed off to sleep I said to myself here I go again, but will I survive this this time? February 1st I said no more and I've stuck to that promise to myself. Has it been easy? No not by any means. Will it get easier? I doubt it but I know I am stronger than the addiction that is trying to bring me back in.
In 2014 I have had allot of up's and downs. I almost relapsed a few times, I tried to kill myself (my wife found me before it was to late), I didn't think about what I was doing and almost threw it all away. But there was also more good than bad. I got in with another running group at the YMCA, I made new friends, I got into counselling, I found my calling and started planning for the next step in my life.
In the last year I've done more with myself than I have in what seems life forever. I have gone back to school, I set out a goal to do another Half marathon and beat my previous time, I stayed sober, I rode my bike more, I trained more, I spent more time with my kids and I spent more time with my family in general.
And then I went to AA 3 months into my sobriety and it was not for me. I commend the people there and I have nothing but love for those who use and are successful on the program, but it wasn't for me. It was allot of religious stuff and praying and sadly that is not my cup of tea. I started focusing on myself and running and I found that those days where I was in a dark place I would run.
I ran a total of 4 out of 8 local races this year and even ran a Half marathon. I didn't get any triathlons in this year as my wife hurt herself and I had to take time away from a hectic training schedule and focus on my family more. Of those 5 total races I ran I PR'd 3 of them. I ran my fastest 5k in both February and again in June and I PR'd my Half marathon time by just over a minute. If the weather was better I wold have done it by 5 minutes better. I got a message from a friend telling me I won. I was lost as I had no idea what I won. I never put my name in for anything so what did I win? I won an award for running. I was blown away because I wasn't even part of the club, or at least I didn't think I was. I was wrong. They have accepted me into their family. I was overjoyed. What a way to end my year.
Most of all I realized that no matter how bad I think life is it is not that bad, and the outcome to rash decisions could be allot worse.
So what's Next?
In 2015 I am going to be going to take a dual credit college class on Addictions, I am looking into college to get my BAA in Psychological Behaviour, I'm going to celebrate my 1 year of sobriety with those who mean the most to me, my family, I am training for a Half Iron Distance Triathlon. I'm also fundraising to make my film of being a person with Tourette Syndrome, a recovering addict and my daily struggles of making a go at life with 2 children with mental disabilities, one having Tourette Syndrome himself and one newly finding out he has Autism.
2015 will be another year of learning and growing in a positive way. More fitness, more family, more training and more love to be shared, but most of all...... I'm going to smile more. Happy 2015 to everyone.
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